this is what i've been doing for the past 1 hour. instead of doing my readings. hahahahhahaa.
i have a face that is extremely unsuitable for pictures. i always turn out horrible in photographs.
and thus i decided to try photoshopping my cui face.

( photoshop magic )

"I'm confessing that I don't know if I'm ready for this..."
Being open. Being hurt. Liking. Not being liked.
Seeing the flicker on. Seeing the Flickr off.
Leaping. Falling. Crashing.

"There's no such thing as ready," she says. There's only willing."

-- Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

watching korean dramas makes me super emofied. seriously. korean writers have this amazing ability to write the most heart wrenching, tear inducing, romantic (and not cheesy) scenes imaginable into existence. and the soundtrack is amazing.

i like this song. it is so EMO-FIED! even tho i don't know what it means it makes me feel SO SAD!

sadly enough, i find no more meaning in the work i'm doing here.

i came here filled with ambition and purpose, so sure that i was going to gain something out of this trip. yes i've learnt and i believe i've grown and matured. but some how something just doesn't feel right anymore.

i hate being in the office. Apart from the physical condition of this place, i am beginning to find the treatment here intolerable, unacceptable and absolutely uncalled for.

i enjoyed myself those 2 days in the village, despite the coach ride and having to pay for everything and even the food poisoning it gave me. Those 2 days were the reason why i signed up for this internship. To feel welcomed, to feel appreciated and to feel useful. although the survey results were pretty skewed and i didn't exactly interact directly with the villages, i feel i've learned. seeing the people, they seem so happy so satisfied and so contented living life with such simplicity. do they really need our help? my mind is just a whirl of contradictions now. its getting kinda depressing because i can't accomplish something i don't believe in.

i'm beginning to hate it here

i just want to go home.

and oh, that's one less career option for me too.

p.s. i miss you rebecca baybeh! i wish i could be there to send you off.  i somehow got reminded of the boys like girls days, lets stay tonight on top of the world, we can do anything we can be anything!

rebecca wrote:

"Time and time again, I try to justify every moronic decision with a certain sound reason I formulate in my oh-so swollen head, only to find out what a terrible choice I've made. And now, I find myself catching up with my nincompoop imprudent brilliant decisions that I've composed. So much for being logical and independent.

I'm feeling pangs of regret now, and it's making me sick to even think about it. "

ditto that.
i feel you.

Can a guy and a girl be just friends?
Everyone has thought about that question, and everyone swears by their own belief.
Most people would say yes, why not.
I don't know. My view on this changes every other day.
My current stand is yes a guy and a girl can be just friends if they've known each other since forever.
because it would be incestrous to fall in love with someone you grew up with.
and i've seen people who claim to be "buddies" or "brother and sister" when really its just a cover to be close to the other person not because they want to be just friends but because they're hoping it would evolve into something more.
Someone once said, if a boy and a girl can still be friends after they break up it means
either one of them still has feelings for the other or they never truly loved each other.

 “A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other…
Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.” 

                                                                                                                    Dave Matthews 



 

i just watched the last episode of antm. and i've found an avenue to stream videos.
HELLO FRINGE, CRIMINAL MINDS, BONES, GREEK, BIG BANG THEORY, HIMYM ETC ETC.

SMU is being blamed by Singaporeans for bringing the swine flu to Singapore, which i feel is completely unfair.
So typical singaporean behavior, the persistant need to blame someone or something for anything that happens

I appreciate the freedom that SMU has given us to decide for ourselves whether or not we wish to continue our overseas trips.
I don't feel the school was irresponsible, in fact i feel what the school did was in the interest of the students.
If i were part of the new york bsm i would definately have gone on the trip. Given that the swine flu threat was less serious then what it was initially thought to be, i wouldn't let 13 weeks of presentations, sourcing for sponsorships, meetings etc. go to waste. not inluding the fact that getting into ny bsm is so difficult.

Anyway. everyone should layoff blaming the poor girl for bringing the flu to singapore. It was only a matter of time before swine flu hit us.
and people seem to have forgotten the fact that this COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO ANYONE.

is the goverment going to stop every single person from going to the US? i don't see what's so wrong with the school allowing the students to proceed on their trip.

and i don't get why everyone is coming down so hard on that poor girl, just becasue she's the first case. What about the 2nd, 3rd, 4th case of swine flu. Being the 4th victim of the flu doesn't mean the virus is less threatening right.

p.s. some one commented that the smu student had poor hygeine habits. PLEASE! how many people actually follow the advice given for mantaining high standards of hygiene e.g. spend 5 minutes washing their hands etc.

gross. singaporeans can be so ugly sometimes. i am ashamed.

TODAY'S DMA EXAM PWNED US ALL. ):

oh wow. owning a blackberry is becoming a trend. i am SO upset. soon all the bengzx and lianzx will own a blackberry too.

and the word extraordinary makes no sense at all.
doesn't it mean you're more ordinary then the usual ordinary?
Extra means more
and ordinary means average, nothing special
and if you call someone extra hardworking it means they are very hard working.
so extra-ordinary would mean very very ordinary? no?

i know many people in school would probably feel like slapping me for saying this.
But i've been feeling unnaturally free the past couple of weeks, so free that i sleep too much and have finished watching both seasons of the big bang theory. it feels so weird. maybe its because i'm only taking 4.5 mods these term compared to the usual 5. or maybe taking cat last term has revealed  what stress really means.

so to everyone who is dying doing cat this term. take comfort in this. if you survive cat in a 5 mod term you can survive ANYTHING.
what doesn't kill you only makes you strronger right? haha.

Despite the really horrible year i had, the disappointments, the anger, the hurt and the betrayal
and although i still feel that 2008 is probably one of the worst years i ever had,
it has taught me one of the greatest things i'll ever learn , to give and love unconditionally.

Do i look forward to 2009?
i'll admit 2008 has made me jaded, nonchalant and afraid to dream.
but a tiny part of me still holds on to that same anticipation that you get when you know something awesome is going to happen.

i need 2009 to be awesome.
and i want 2009 to be amazing for you too Rebecca baybeh, you deserve it!

i always find myself chasing after the past,
willing to give almost anything to relive that moment again.

we will never experience what we had then ever again.
This kinda makes me feel sad, i don't know why.
i would give almost anything to relieve those moments again.

Whenever i watch a movie, show, tv series etc etc.
i always skip the boring and sad parts and go straight to the happy scenes.
If only life was that perfect, relieving the good and skipping the bad.
i am an idealist, i want everything to end with a happily ever after.


In two weeks it'll be the longest day in the year....
Do you always watch for the longest day of the year and then miss it?
I always watch for the longest day in the year and then miss it.
- The Great Gatsby


( Happily Ever After )

In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

i believe what God is saying to me is,
"Stop looking at what you can do,
and start looking at the things I will do for you. "

He took him outside and said, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars -- if indeed you can count them." Then He said to him. "so shall your offspring be."
Gen 15:5

one day, we will look back, and realise everything that means so much now, everything that is frustrating us now, everything that is stressing us now, everything that we hold in such importance now, is nothing. we'll wonder why it meant so much then. which makes me feel extremely stupid for spending the past few weeks getting frustrated over issue x , those wasted feelings and emotions. and time. it wasn't worth a bit of it.

it's the genesis of lost innocence and forgotten dreams, 
life's in a permanent fastforward
and we often find ourselves straddling the lines between what we want and who we have to be
there're still many missing pieces to this life. 
and i'm embracing it. 


What can't be decided
In the morning it will bring itself to you
I can see what's coming, but I'm not saying it